If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And then my night got REAL pukey
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
