I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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