Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
