Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
