you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
