Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
