I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Four minutes until I can fart!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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