Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
