If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
