i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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