i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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