i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
