Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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