it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
