not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
