Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This is the high leading the old right now
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
