I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
