I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
