Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
