i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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