You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
