I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
