My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
