So drunk its hurt
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
