ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
