Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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