You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
