remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
