Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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