I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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