I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
