The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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