I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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