remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
