I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
