You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Send help, water and tortillas.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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