I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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