So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
