There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
