Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
