She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i think i just lost a toe
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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