I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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