she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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