I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
