just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
