Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
