Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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