I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
