is your mom at the bar?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
