ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
