really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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