at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
