He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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