Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
they're like a gay fantastic four
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
